Rocks Fall Everyone Dies
by DaystarsMom
Summary: Rocks fall. Everyone dies. Extreme silliness ensues... My only excuse for this is over-medication.


Rocks Fall

**Title:** Rocks Fall. Everyone Dies  
**Author:** DaystarsMom  
**Rating:** G  
**Characters: **Everybody

**Disclaimer:** Good grief, it's _fanfiction_. Of course it's Not Mine. Do people really need to be told this?

Betaed by Sayakobizen.

Author's note: This fic is the result of being sick with a nasty intestinal bug for three days. And then running across a Harry Potter icon at theentwife./139236.html that… well, let's just say that it got to the point where I simply had to share the pain. So I am.

The medication may have had something to do with it. Probably, even

Rocks Fall. Everyone Dies.

By DaystarsMom

The earthquake hit Covenant Castle in the middle of Adelbert Von Grantz's long-awaited return to Shin Makoku. Everyone was there, so the collapse of the castle (whose supports were already overstressed after being damaged by dragons, Kohi, Snow Gunter, and an assortment of water golems, to name a few) killed all of them. After the initial stunned reaction, the people of Shin Makoku mourned deeply and sincerely, then chose new leaders and got on with their lives, as people and Mazoku always do. But that took a while. Meanwhile…

0-0-0-0-0

Yuuri sat up, rubbing his head. "Ow! Geez, what's happened now?" He looked around, blinking at the number of very large rocks that seemed to be covering his ballroom floor. Surely some of them belonged in the ceiling and support pillars? He distinctly remembered…

He froze, staring in horrified disbelief at a familiar blue uniform half-buried beneath stones the size of kitchen chairs. "Wolfram! No!"

The uniform stirred and Wolfram sat up. "Ow! What is it, you wimp?"

"Wolfram!" Yuuri heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness you're all…" His voice trailed off.

Wolfram stretched his neck and looked over at Yuuri. "What's the matter, you -- " He, too broke off in mid-sentence, staring. Then, like a chorus, he and Yuuri cried, "I can see right through you!"

"What?" Yuri looked down at his chest. Or rather, he looked _through_ his chest, at the very large rock that was squashing his back. His former back. His… "Aack! Wolfram! We're dead!"

"Oh, how typical of Your Majesty's quick comprehension!" Gunter's voice rose from a few feet away. "How it demonstrates Your Majesty's awesome intelli -- wait, what? Dead? Nooooooooo! Your Majestyyyyyyyy!"

"Quiet, Gunter," Gwendal growled from behind him. "It's not just him, after all."

Gunter broke off in mid-wail and looked around frantically at the crowd of transparent people slowly sitting up in the remains of Covenant Castle. "What -- Gwendal! Not you, too! Nooooooooo!"

"Quiet, I said," Gwendal repeated. "You'll upset the -- "

"Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" came a triple-note squeal, right on cue. "We're _dead_!" The three maids collapsed against the stone pillar that had fallen across the table where they had been serving refreshments. Well, actually, they collapsed _through_ the pillar and came out the other side. "We're ghosts!"

Sanguria pushed her glasses up her nose and added sadly, "And now we'll never know who wins the pool!"

"I wouldn't be so sure," Anissina said. The three maids turned hopefully. "Ghosts are supposed to foretell the future, after all. As soon as I've had a chance to do a few experiments, I'm sure I'll be able to tell you everything you want to know."

"Uh, Anissina, I'm not sure you can do experiments when you're dead," Yuuri said as Gwendal and Gunter edged away from her, just in case.

"Details!" Anissina tossed her head. "I am quite sure that with my superior intellect, I'll work something out."

"Your Majesty," said a familiar voice.

Almost without thinking, Yuuri said, "_Yuuri_. Honestly, Conrad, how many times do I have to…" He turned to see a transparent Conrad kneeling before him, wearing an expression more miserable than Yuuri had ever seen, more miserable even than when Conrad had been pretending to defect to Big Cimmaron.

"Your Majesty, I have failed you," Conrad said, bowing his head.

"Huh?" said Yuuri.

"I promised to protect you, and I have failed," Conrad repeated.

"If that isn't just like you, Captain," Yozak said, coming up behind him. He tried to whack the back of Conrad's head, but his ghostly hand passed right through Conrad's transparent head. The effect was rather disturbing. Yozak looked at his hand, shrugged, and went on, "We're all dead, and the only thing you can think of to do is whine at the kiddo about how you failed. It was an earthquake, for heaven's sake! How could you have protected him from an earthquake?"

"Besides," Murata said, popping up next to Conrad, "you didn't fail. You said you'd give your life to protect Shibuya, and you have."

Everyone stared. Murata smiled enigmatically, light glinting on his glasses. He looked exactly like his usual self. Solid, even. Yuuri frowned. "Murata, you -- are you still -- "

"Oh, I'm dead, too," Murata said cheerfully. "It's just that I've had more practice at it than all of you."

"_Almost_ all of you," a deep voice corrected from behind him. Shinou rose into view, shaking non-existent rock dust from the fur trim of his cloak.

"Oooooh, my!" Lady Celi drifted over, eyes fixed on Shinou with a predatory gleam. "You're _much_ better looking than your portrait!"

Shinou edged away from her and looked back at Murata. "Daikenja, this is just _wrong_. I _already_ died. Twice. So how is this possible?"

"Third time's the charm?" Adelbert muttered a little too loudly.

"Well," Murata said, considering, "from what I know of spirits and the afterlife, the fact that all of us are still here -- loosely speaking -- means that there's something we need to do together in our next lives."

"Uh, all of us?" Yuuri said.

"Of course all of us, you wimp!" Wolfram jumped to his feet. "If you're involved, it'll probably take all of us to straighten out whatever mess you make of it. So let's get started!"

"Not a bad idea," Murata said. "This way." He started to fade.

The others followed. In a moment, the ruined castle was silent, except for a lingering echo -- "…and don't think this means you can get out of the engagement, you cheater!"

-Fin


End file.
